only in dreams
i wonder if everyone has an outlet they revert to once they hit a certain point. Sometimes..or lots of times it always seems that everything falls on you at once..Like being in a fight and going into it expecting to take a couple punches..but the fight begins, the other person throws one punch..doesn’t matter where you’ve been hit because you’re already collapsing….takes you just a moment to realize your legs have been tied this whole time and your arms don’t seem to respond anymore…you don’t understand how this happened or how you have gotten here…you can only ask yourself…am i loosing ?…all i can think to do is write at the moment..not some grand well thought out note or paper of enlightenment but just for the sake of being able to do it and to know its helping me let out these emotions and feelings i can’t handle, these obstacles i can’t seem to shake…I think today i finally realized i’m moving to nyc as well..So add that to the mix….i’m realizing how much im going to miss everything and everyone..My family most of all…how is it going to be without them around..my mom who is amazing.no other words need to be said..i could write pages about her..a dad who has been so hard to understand but not so much anymore…i feel like we connect..he gets me and he truly loves his kids..my sisters who are best friends and they love me to death..and i to them..they would do anything for me and they dont even have to say it..i just know..Sam, he is my best friend hope he knows it..but he’s already in cali so it wont be like im leaving him in chicago..the friends…the true ones…the ones i care, think about, invite out..I feel like i’m really leaving some great people here..really wish i could just bring them along..keep walking the same road just in another city, another borough ….or the person you have been around all the time and didn’t exactly realize you wanted that person in your life so much up until lately…but i guess both of you have to feel that way..haha..its horrible that i just said that…..its funny im looking at a picture right now and they say pictures are worth a thousand words..and they are.. but none of those words are telling the story i see… its a day like today that you come to appreciate a lot…regret some…wish you had just said what you never said….or the reverse..a day of forced reflection…
memories are a good thing…they cant be taken from you…always going to be yours…and they always stay the same..they never change…i like that..its ok to have somethings that make us comfortable…those little things in your life that you dont want to change…like your phone number..your email address..stupid passwords..but its quite boring to not have change all together..the reality is so many times we talk about change but when an opportunity is presented to us we step back and say something like .. i dont know if thats going to work… of course you don’t cuz you haven’t tried..and you’re really just to much of a chicken to take a leap..failure is a good thing in so many ways…it allows you to experience that risk..and of course you better be learning from it and not just experiencing it…but not me..i’m definitely a leaper..at least as of late i have been..not saying its been working…but like i said failure is going to be there sometimes to meet you on the other end..but sometimes it wont be anywhere in sight..im hoping and looking for those times…atleast more of them.. im just trying to love life and live it…trying to continue to understand who i am..the shoes that fit me best..the school i want to finish at..the people i want to meet..things i want to do…the city i want to live in…trying to daily become more and more of the person God created me to be…hope i can make and exceed that for you. Because in the end i owe you my life… and if im trying to be impress someone i might as well stop trying for other people and more for the one that matter cuz the rest will fall into place naturally..i want the domino effect so bad …but the good one..not the bad crashing one this whole thing is about..haha. anyway i think i have said enough for today..i feel much better and more confident in what is coming and whats already here…
BLACKHAWKS rally in chicago today!! Chicago loves to celebrate
Party at wrk for the COPA
HAWKKSSS WIN..CHICAGO WINS
Well after almost 50 years the Chicago hawks win the Stanley cup and bring it HOME!! The game was awesome!! Hawks won in in overtime …funny thing is i called the end of the game…I predicted philly would tie it up..go into overtime and that Hawks would win in the sometime when the clock said 15 min…Crzzyyy because thats exactly what happened and i have witnesses..but who cares it was pure luck that i guessed..anyway the cityy was going nuts after the win..went driving around to wrigleyville and people was gettin wild!!! Tomorrow is the parade in downtown which i will unfortunately along with the start of the greatest competition in the world…THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday I had a chance to watch the movie LOVELY BONES and i actually really liked it. Sure it had some long and dragged out scenes and some weird abstract scenes that require you to do a lot of your own assuming but i’m sure those questions would be answered if you read the actual book, which i intend to do soon. But this was an awesome movie about a girl who is raped and murdered at the age of 15, if im correct. The story isn’t so much about events leading to her death or details about her murder but it more-so focuses on how her death molds the inter-twines with her family as they deal with her being physically gone.
I don’t plan on writing a full on review, i suggest you actually read the book or watch the movie if you want to be lazy or you’re busy. haha. But i really liked how this girl was watching her family the whole time and wouldn’t accept her death yet. She didn’t want to let go and enter into heaven until she felt like her family had peace, like she waited till her death wasn’t a dark cloud that overcast her families life but she waited till she could be a part of her families life again positively. As if she was only meant to have just a blink of time here on earth and it can’t be explained why but the universal push and understanding of positive things coming from something very negative. Makes me wonder and think about all those people who have been taken earlier than we think they should have..but only God knows really.
“These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent — that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events my death brought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous lifeless body had been my life”
WHere is twitter??
So today was supposed to be the official release of the OFFICIAL twitter for android but i cannot find it and according to mashable it’s out for immediate downloading. If anyone happens to have the link for the actual app i would love some help.
Anyway, Finally finished bartending class today. Officially licensed to mix!
Passed with flying colors. Would love to brag to you about how well i did but i will leave that for an in-person conversation so you can see the enthusiasm in my every expression. Going to go around the neighborhood and try and find a barback position or something to start at and hopefully make my way up. Figure its a great way to make some extra cash on the weekends.
what intersection am I at?
iNsaniTy workout..Will it really work?? Follow me…
FOR NEXT TWO MONTHS AND FIND OUT!!
Today was a pretty busy day,
woke up, signed up for a two week course..that i just realized is only a ONE week(not the insanity workout)
Cant announce yet exactly what kinda course this is but i will soon enough, worked out after my class..Doing the insanity workout…its honestly completely out of this world..i know this sounds stupid but its honestly insane..the whole workout is based around interval training so as you can imagine its a non-stop workout program and i feel like im probably going to loose about 20 pounds in a month..if not more!! thats how good this thing is..im only on day 3 so i will weigh myself at the end of a two week period and keep you all updated to my progress. Definitely recommend this workout, will be sure to test you in so many ways.
After insanity had a big healthy mean then went to work with my pops. We’re painting an apartment at a building he manages. I actually hate painting..because i suck at it.. wish i didn’t though..my suffering is sure to be someone else’s therapy. Anyway working on that all week. Still practicing guitar, still suck.
following my pops home from long day of work
Dear tumblr, i’m back to blog.
NEW, READY, EXCITED are just some of the words to describe how i’m feeling now that im back to tumblr. It’s been a long time since i’ve blogged and so much has happened for me to attempt catching you up. I have returned from my 6 month experience with YWAM which took me to Australia and parts of Asia. Definitely plan on writing more about that at another time but for now just getting used to updating again.
Spent the day painting at a building my dad manages. I hate painting because i absolutely suck at it and wish i didn’t have to do it but its my pops and can’t really say no to something like this…also spent some time filling out some job applications…need a job soon so i can really start saving for nyc..Which is something else i’m up to lately..working on moving to the big apple..pursue school and whatever is next in life!!